TF2 Shorts Fictions
by Doctor No Help
Summary: A collection of stories I've written based on TF2. Focus on a RED MedicXSpy relationship. R&R welcome! Rated T for a very small amount of swearing.
1. Chapter 1

It was noon at 2fort and RED's spy, Fontaine, had his sights on taking out the BLU sniper, who was milling around BLU's battlements. He cloaked and snuck past the sentry that guarded the upstairs of the BLU base. As he rounded the corner, he saw the sniper zoomed into his scope, looking at something with intense interest. Although it peaked Fontaine's curiosity, he remained silent and crept towards the unknowing sniper. Once he was behind him, he unclocked and raised his knife.

"Oi. Don't even try it, mate." the sniper whispered. Fontaine froze and bit his lip. The sniper turned around and took a few steps from the spy. At this time, Fontaine saw that he was wearing a Razerback, and stabbing him would have just gotten the spy killed, "Maybe you should pay attention before you try to backstab me next time."

"Pfft, why didn't you let me if you knew I would be paralyzed?" Fontaine questioned, pulling out his cigarette case and pulling out one. He lit it and took a long drag before frowning at the sniper.

"Because I think I found something a little more irritating then trying to kill me..." the sniper mentioned, pointing over at the RED base's own battlements, "Isn't that your pal over there?"

"What...?" Fontaine said, looking to where he pointed. He spotted RED's medic, Conrad, standing near the edge of the battlements, looking down once and a while to shoot syringes at random BLU's that wondered into the base. Fontaine shielded his eye's with one hand to get a better look, "Oh, yes. Zhat's Conrad! But why did you want-"

"Look closer, mate!" the sniper laughed, handing the spy his Sniper Rifle. Fontaine was skeptical, but he grabbed the heavy gun and raised it so he could peer down the scope at the medic. However, besides seeing Conrad, he noticed RED's sniper, Jim, was behind the medic. Instead of looking out for BLU's, he was staring intently at the medic. He grinned slyly and let his eyes wonder up and down Conrad's back. Fontaine's face heated up with rage.

"Zhat little whore!" He snarled loudly.

* * *

><p>"Hey, doctor..." Jim said, standing behind Conrad. The medic adjusted his glasses and replied to the sniper.<p>

"Hello, Herr sniper." he said. He kept his eyes trained at the BLU soldier attempting to cross the bridge, but being pushed back by RED's pyro. Conrad fired a few syringes and managed to land them in the soldier's shoulder, "Ah, Jim, can you help me get rid of zhis soldier?"

"I don't know, doc..." Jim snickered before dropping his Sniper Rifle and grabbing the medic around his waist, "What are you gonna' help me with later?"

"Jim-?" Conrad started, but paused when he heard a familiar shouting coming from the other base. He peered over at the BLU battlements and spotted Fontaine, waving his arms around and jumping up and down. He was shouting something that was impossible to hear over the pyro and soldier's fighting, "Iz zhat Fontaine over there?"

"What- argh!" Jim cried out.

* * *

><p>"... and I'm going to kill you when we're done with zhis battle, you disgusting jar man! I will personally carve the words 'I am a whore' on your face so everyone at your funeral can see it!" Fontaine ranted from the BLU battlements.<p>

"I don't think they can hear ya', mate...!" BLU sniper laughed at the enraged spy. The shear joy out of seeing the spy so mad almost gave him a heart attack. He had to lean against a wall to keep from falling down.

"You 'ad better not run into me after zhis, sniper! You will regret the very day you assaulted my medic with your vile hands! You might as will start digging your grave now, before I do it for you!" Fontaine raged. Behind him, the BLU sniper grabbed his Sniper Rifle, which the spy had dropped when he started ranting, and looked down the scope at the enemy sniper and medic. But instead of just them, he noticed someone else come behind the RED sniper. It was Gabriel, Fontaine's twin brother and the BLU spy. He raised his knife and stabbed the sniper in the back. The sniper fell to the ground, dragging the medic with him, who was very confused. The BLU sniper stood up, handed the rifle to Fontaine, and pointed at the medic.

"Oi! Look at your brother, mate!" he said. Fontaine peered down the scope again and gasped at the BLU spy, fearing the worse. But Gabriel just smiled across at them and waved. Then he turned towards the fallen medic and helped him get up.

"Ah... what a relief..." Fontaine said, still looking down the scope. As he went to pull away, he noticed his brother give Conrad a small kiss on the cheek before walking off the edge of the battlements, landing safely. The medic's face showed off a blush as he pulled out his Bonesaw and walked back into the heart of the RED base, "Gabriel..." Fontaine snarled through his gritted teeth. The BLU sniper grabbed his rifle from the spy and put his arm around the surprised spy's shoulders.

"Yeah, yeah, how 'bout you go talk him?" he said. Then he removed his arm and pushed Fontaine off the edge of his own battlements, The spy stumbled off and fell flat on his face. But he managed to get up and run back across the bridge to his own base, holding a hand to his face to stop his nose from bleeding, "... wanka."


	2. Chapter 2

**1**

"So give me the news, doc, am I gonna' live?" RED's scout, Thomas, asked the RED medic, Conrad, as he looked up at the him with pleading eyes. After being here for just a month, he had already developed the over-sized ego and dramatic-ness that most scouts have. Conrad decided to play along and put a gloved hand on Thomas's shoulder.

"I'm afraid to say, but mein tests have shown zhat there is something wrong with you." he said, covering his face with his other hand to add to the drama. Thomas grabbed onto the medic's coat, pulling him closer.

"Well, spit it out! What is it?" he exclaimed. Conrad smiled a bit and adjusted his glasses.

"Vell, most of us refer to it as being 'overdramatic'." he said. Thomas's mouth quickly formed into a frown and he pushed the medic away.

"Look at dis', man!" he shouted, showing Conrad the small cut on his arm, "What if dis' gets infected o' some'thin! I could die!"

"Oh, zhut up, you ztupid boy! Your fine! Its just a cut." Conrad shouted back at him. Thomas snorted and crossed this arms, glaring at the medic.

"Fine! But when I die, I hope you feel bad 'bout not helpin' me!" he declared before rushing out into the hallway. Conrad wiped his face.

"Dummkopf..." he muttered. Then he walked out the door and looked into the waiting room. He only saw the team's heavy, Aleksandr, and one of their soldiers, Doug. Both had a fair amount of blood on their uniforms. Conrad called to them, "Next?"

"Yes, doktor!" Aleksandr happily replied. He stood up and they both walked to the medical room. Conrad instructed the him to sit on the bed in the middle of the room. Aleksandr did as he was told and studied the room as the medic did a few simple tests.

"Open your mouth and zay 'ah'." Conrad told him. He soon regretted it when the first wiff of the large man's breath hit his nostrils, "Eh, on zecond zhought, try not to breathe."

After the tests were done, Conrad pointed to the heavy's jacket with his pencil.

"Zo, is all zhat blood from you or is it zomeone else's?" he asked. The heavy took off the jacket and pointed to a few bulletholes in his shirt.

"Most of it from leetle babies on other team. But some of the blood is mine. Can you fix me, doktor?" He asked Conrad. Conrad smiled and walked over to his medi-gun. He aimed it at Aleksandr.

"Of course, mein Frund. Just hold still..."

**2**

After the long surgery removing the bullets, Conrad had the medi-gun heal Aleksandr's skin and organs. The heavy thanked the medic with a strangling hug before grabbing his jacket and walking out the door. After taking a quick breather, Conrad looked back out into the waiting room. Instead of Doug being there, RED's spy, Fontaine, had taken his seat. He was calmly smoking and reading a magazine. "Herr spy, vhat have you done vith Doug?" Conrad asked him.

"I 'ave done nothing with zhe soldier. 'e simply asked me to sit here while 'e went to get a drink." Fontaine said, grinning at the medic, "Something tells me 'e's not coming back, mon cher ami."

"Zhose zoldiers! Alvay's refusing help!" Conrad growled. He crossed his arms. Fontaine got up and put the magazine down on the table. He walked over to Conrad and un-crossed his arms. Then he grabbed one of the medic's hands and removed the bloodied glove before tossing it to the floor, along with his burnt out cigarette.

"Oh, I would never refuse your help, mon doux allemad..." the spy purred before placing a kiss on the medic's hand. Conrad's face turned a light red and pulled his hand out of the frenchmen's.

"Ja..." he mumbled. Fontaine laughed and picked the glove back up. He handed it back to Conrad, who slowly reached out and took it. Fontaine took out his cigarette case and took out another. He offered the case to Conrad.

"Care for one?" he asked. Conrad refused right away, pushing the case away with disgust.

"I hate zhose things. Zhe ztench fills up my entire room. Zhey're bad for you, anyvay." Conrad said. Fontaine just shrugged and put the case back. Then he pulled out a lighter and lit the cigarette in his mouth. The medic was about to turn back into his office when Fontaine stopped him one last time.

"Wait, I want to ask you, Conrad. Would you care to join me and BLU's spy for some wine tonight?" He questioned. Conrad frowned at him.

"Zhe BLU spy? Fontaine, you know ve're not zuppose to-" he tried to say more, but the spy silenced him by putting a single finger to his mouth.

"Hush, hush, I don't want to 'ear it. In case you did not know, zhe BLU spy is my brother. Yes, 'e is fully capible of killing me, but 'e will only do so during zhe fighting." Fontaine told him. Then he removed his finger from Conrad's lips, "What do you say? Want to come?"

"Vell... I... okay. I'll come vith you." he agreed. The spy grinned and began to walk away. Conrad watched him vanish into the darkness of the halls before going into his office and closing the door, "Oh, vhat have I gotten myself into?"

**3**

As the afternoon quickly turned to night, Conrad was looking through his dresser to find his good vest. He had already found a nice, white dress shirt to wear. He finally found it in the bottom of one of the drawers. It was lined with a simple white border and the rest was a soft forest green. He grabbed a black tie hanging from a mirror and put it around his neck before he put on the vest. After studying himself in the mirror, a knock was heard at the door.

"Bonjour, mon ami! It is time to go!" Fontaine shouted from outside in the hall. Conrad sighed and walked to the door. He opened it to see the spy standing there with a similar man next to him. Same suit, same mask, same height. The only difference was the color, a cool blue. He also greeted Conrad with the same accent as Fontaine.

"Ah, zo you are zhe man Fontaine talks about zo often! Pleased to meet you." He said, offering a hand. Conrad eyed the BLU spy as he took his hand and gave it a quick shake. The spy laughed and took his hand back, "Yes, 'e also told me you are not very trusting of me. I assure you I won't be any trouble."

"Please, Conrad, you can trust my brother. 'e won't harm you!" Fontaine added. Conrad was still skeptical, but nodded his head.

"Okay... so, vhere are ve going for zhe wine?" he asked.

"We will be going down to the sewers." the BLU spy said, "I 'ave a secret room in them. Just do not tell anyone."

"Of course." Conrad said. The BLU spy turned away from the men and lead the way down the hall. They walked upstairs to the room with the decks and then down the stairs that connected to the decks, Fontaine's brother cloaking to avoid being seen by members of the RED team. When they got to the stairs that went down into the sewers, Fontaine stopped Conrad and pulled out something from his pocket. It was a single stem of a plant.

"Vhat is zhat?" Conrad asked. Fontaine placed the stem into the medic's vest so the top of it stuck out.

"Its lavander. I love the smell of it." he said, smiling. Conrad frowned a bit.

"I'm surprised you can smell anyzhing vith all the cigarettes you smoke." he replied. Fontaine patted the medics cheek with one of his hands.

"Cheer up, doux allemand. I don't want you in a bad mood all night." he told him. With that, he walked after his brother down the stairs. Conrad followed closely after.

"Ah, gentlemen, what was taking you?" the BLU spy questioned before glancing at the stem of lavender sticking out from Conrad's vest, "Oh, I see. Fontaine does love his lavender..."

"Hm?" Conrad inquired. The BLU spy just shook his head.

"Nothing, nothing. Oh, I just remembered. I haven't told you my name yet. Its Gabriel." he said just as he tapped on a certain part of the wall. The bricks started to shift and suddenly the whole wall split, revealing a door.

"How long has zhis been here?" Conrad asked Gabriel. He shrugged and took out a key from his pocket. He put it in the keyhole and unlocked the door.

"Come, let us get inside before someone comes down 'ere." he motioned at the door. Both RED's went inside, Gabriel following behind them. When they were inside, the BLU spy closed the door and they all heard the wall close up. Conrad suddenly had an awful feeling. Gabriel put his arm around the medic's shoulders and started walking him to the table in the center of the room.

"Zo, Conrad..." He grinned, "Do you prefer red or white wine?"

**4**

"...then I backstabbed zhe stupid bastard! 'e should learn not to back up into doors!" Gabriel exclaimed with drucken glee. Fontaine laughed out loud with his brother, the scent of red white drifting in the air. Conrad would have laughed too if it weren't Aleksandr that Gabriel was talking about. It had been at least 3 hours and so far the only ones really enjoying this free time were the two spies. It wasn't that Conrad wasn't drunk, it was that he wasn't a happy drunk. He was more of the silent type of drunk. He also became a bit annoyed with the laughing and mocking of the spies as they both swaped stories about how they killed a certain person.

"Can ve please talk about zomething else?" Conrad complained, rubbing his temples, "All zhis laughing is getting on my nerves."

"Calm down, Conrad! We're just messing around, no need to make a fuss about it!" Gabriel said, twirling his wine glass around so the liquid made a little whirlpool. Fontaine agreed with his brother, laughing some more.

"Ja, ja, you two are having fun. I'm so sorry to rain on zhis parade!" Conrad said sarcasticly. The fun suddenly ended after Gabriel heard him.

"Not to be rude, but you are raining on our parade. Quite hard, in fact," he frowned, standing up. He stopped twirling his glass and held it still between two fingers, "and I'm afraid I forgot an umbrella."

"Gabriel, maybe you shouldn't-" Fontaine attempted to cut in, but Conrad silenced him with a glare.

"Poor spies! Zhould I leave? I'd hate to flood zhe place!" he sneared. Gabriel's grip on his glass tightened.

"Perhaps you should." he growled. Fontaine stood up and grabbed his brothers arm.

"Gab-"

"Quiet, brother!" the BLU spy hissed at him. Conrad stood up, walked around the table, past the two spies, and to the door.

"Come, Fontaine." he motioned. When the spy didn't move, he looked back, "Fontaine?"

"Conrad, please..." the spy begged. Conrad just gritted his teeth and yanked open the door. The brick wall seperated and he stormed out. Fontaine looked the door, his brother, and back at the door. Finally, he let go of Gabriels arm and went after Conrad, leaving the door open.

"Peh..." The BLU spy said as he walked over and closed the door.

**5**

"Conrad, Conrad, wait!" Fontaine shouted, chasing after the enraged medic. He caught up to him on the top of the stairs. But when he reached for the man's arm, he was pushed away. Conrad stormed past the entrence to the base and out into the open area with the deck above him. Fontaine tried to stop him but was unable to and gave up halfway up the stairs to the deck. Both men walked past the supplies room and down the hall to the intellegence floor. Once they were all the way down, Fontaine managed to get a grip on Conrad's arm and his attention.

"Vhat do you vant?" the medic asked angrily, turning towards the spy. His face was red, the veins on his forehead very visible. Fontaine bit his lip and looked down at the floor before he answered.

"I want to apologize... I shouldn't of asked you to come. I mean, I didn't know my brother could get so angry so quickly and... I'm sorry, Conrad, I just-"

"Fontaine." Conrad said bluntly. Fontaine flinched a little.

"Yes?"

"Its fine." Conrad told him. Fontaine looked back at the man. His eyes had gotten a bit softer and he had a small grin on his face. Fontaine was about to say something when the medic put a finger to his mouth, "I mean it. Now..."

"W-what?" Fontaine asked nervously. The medic removed his finger from his mouth and cupped the spy's face.

"Give me a kiss, Fontaine." he said before pulling the man into a deep kiss. Fontaine thought his felt his heart melt. He pushed the medic back until the couple hit a wall and he had the man pinned between him and it. Conrad's back arched so he could take in the heat of the spy's body.

"I love you, Conrad..." Fontaine whispered between them. Conrad smiled and leaned into the kiss more before replying back.

"I love you too, Fontaine."


	3. Chapter 3

The RED base was silent, both teams having quit fighting for the day. RED's engineer, Russel, was milling around, checking his sentry and other buildings once and a while to see that they were loaded and ready for battle in case the BLU team decided to violate the agreement and do a surprise attack. The scout, sniper, and pyro were hanging out in the supplies room on the top level. The sniper, Jim, and the pyro, whose name was unknown, were discussing the number of kills each one had raked up earlier during the fighting. The scout, Thomas, was sleeping on one of the benches, exhausted from the constant running back and forth between the two bases. Down the hall to the intelligence room, on the lowest floor, the heavy, Aleksandr, was also patrolling the two halls that lead into the room that contained the intelligence case. Conrad, the RED's medic, sat in the chair behind a desk that the case rested on. He took aim with his syringe gun and fired at the wall. The syringe hit and struck a picture of a enemy medic. Conrad scowled and rested the gun in his lap. He put his feet up on the desk and rested his eyes a moment. Aleksandr walked into the room, his mini-gun slung onto his shoulder.

"What is wrong with doktor?" He asked in his thick Russian accent. Conrad opened one eye to look at him. The heavy's face needed to be shaved and Conrad guessed he had not taken a shower for a while, judging from the stench coming from his direction. Conrad waved his hand at Aleksandr, closing his eye's again.

"Nothing, Aleksandr, I'm fine." He said. Aleksandr shrugged and said he was off to get a sandwich from the fridge upstairs. Conrad nodded and opened both eyes to look at the now blank spot his friend had been standing on. He decided to continue with his target practice and reached into his ammo bag for more syringes. But when he felt nothing through his gloves, he realized he had used his last syringe to hit the picture. He put his feet on the floor and got up off the chair. The halls were empty as far as he could tell as he walked to the nearby supplies room. When the metal door slid open, Conrad was taken back.

The whole supplies room was an complete mess. Dirt and blood had been tracked in, no doubt by the two soldiers, Doug and Manny. Ammo containers had been knocked over and the bottle of fluid that the pyro used to fill its flamethrower had spilled on the floor. Bandages and other medical supplies had also been knocked over and littered the floor. Conrad grimaced when he saw his own syringes scattered around, thinking of all the times he had made sure to put them in their proper place in the cabinet. The scent of old blood and sweat lingered around and made Conrad cover his mouth and nose with one gloved hand. Now, Conrad could handle a lot of things, like organs and blood, since he himself was a doctor. But, also because he was a doctor, he always made sure things were as clean and germ free as possible. This mess in front of him made him tingle with anger and clench the hand that wasn't over his face into a fist. Before he went upstairs to rant at his team mates, though, he decided to clean. He turned around to get a the necessary items to do the task when he bumped into something. The air in front of him was blank, leaving the medic confused, until RED's spy, Fontaine, appeared. He smiled and held both hands behind his back.

"Bonjour, Conrad. How are we this evening?" He asked. His blood red suit was smooth and he smelled like lavender. Conrad narrowed his eyes at the spy and reached a hand behind his own back, gripping the handle of his bone saw. The spy merely let out a hearty laugh and removed a hand from behind his back, clapping it down on Conrad's shoulder. "There is no need for such harsh action!" Fontaine removed his other hand and waved it around in the medics face, "See, I have nothing to hide!"

"Vell, I just had to check." Conrad told him, releasing his grip from the saw. Fontaine squeezed his shoulder and continued to smile. They both stood there for a second, waiting for the other to make a move. Conrad frowned a bit when he noticed Fontaine's eyes darting around, a content look about his face. Conrad reached a hand up and removed the spy's hand, "Anyvay... vhat do you vant, Fontaine?"

"Oh, nothing much... I just couldn't help but notice that you were pretty bothered with that mess in the supplies room." Fontaine said, looking past Conrad at the metal door. Conrad frowned when he remembered it and nodded.

"Yes, I vas just going to get some cleaning items so I could fix that... vould you like to help?" He asked the spy. To his surprise, Fontaine agreed and they both walked up to the highest floor to get things from the other supplies room. When they walked in, they saw Aleksandr eating his sandwich, Thomas still sleeping, Jim reading a gun magazine, the pyro cleaning its flamethrower, and Doug and Manny having a arm wrestling contest on the other bench. Outside the door, Russel and the demoman, Fredrick, were discussing how they could work together to keep enemies from getting to the intelligence. When Conrad and Fontaine walked in, Jim looked up from his magazine.

"Oh, 'ello, doctor. Fontaine..." Jim let the spy's name hang there, like it were some evil to even speak it. He had never been okay with any of the spies that were on the team. Fontaine didn't look at him, instead letting his eyes rest on Doug and Manny's fighting.

"Hallo, mein Frund. Don't mind us." Conrad said, taking things out of the cabinets and grabbing the mop and broom from the corner. He handed both to Fontaine and motioned for him to follow as they exited the room. The pryo made a confused sound and jumped off the bench, scrambling after them. Fontaine turned around and stabbed the handle of the broom at the pyro, making it emit angry, muffled words. Conrad also turned around, but only to stop Fontaine and calm the pyro.

"Vhat is it?" he asked the pryo, who pointed at itself and at them, making a questioning sound. Conrad put a hand on his chin, thinking of what the pyro was asking, "Do you vant to help us?"

"No!" Fontaine shouted, drawing the attention of Fredrick and Russel, startling the pryo, and earning a poisonous glare from Conrad. He blushed out of embarrassment and looked down at his feet. The pyro let out a string of muffled words and Conrad calmed it down again.

"Okay, okay, you can help us. But please be careful and..." he lowered his voice down to a whisper, "Don't upset Fontaine." The pyro nodded and Fontaine glared at him.

"What was that?" he asked.

"Nothing, nothing. Lets go, we have cleaning to do." Conrad said, gently pushing Fontaine and walking down the hall to the lowest level. The pyro let out a happy noise and trotted after the medic. Fontaine followed last.

"Stupid pyro..."

"Okay, so... lets start by picking up all the things on the floor. Make sure any ammo or medicine that can still be used are put back where they belong." Conrad instructed. Fontaine nodded and the pyro murmured a bit. They all began picking up everything they could find. The pyro held open a garbage bag so Conrad could get rid of any soaked bandages or ammo that was covered in the flammable liquid used for pyro's flamethrower. The pyro made a few angry noises and gestures when it saw all the fuel on the floor. But it also managed to motion that it would clean it up. Conrad thanked him and Fontaine just scoffed. "Is there something you have to say, Fontaine?" Conrad asked.

"Do not mind me, I just had to clear my throat." the spy said. He went back to picking up shotgun ammo that had rolled to the corners of the room. After the floor was cleaned up, the pyro went to get some water with the bucket Conrad had given it. It hummed as it walked away and once it couldn't be heard anymore, Conrad turned towards Fontaine.

"Vhat is wrong with you, Fontaine? Vhy are you so mad at Pyro?" He asked. Fontaine ignored him and grabbed his cigarette case from his breast pocket. He pulled out his lighter and attempted to light a cigarette.

"Spy." Fontaine continued to not respond. Conrad clenched his teeth in anger. The spy finally managed to light the cigarette and leaned against the cabinet while he took a long drag of it.

"Fontaine." Conrad fiercely hissed. The spy merely cocked an eyebrow. Conrad could take no more of this man's ignorance. He brought his hand back and swiped it forward, delivering a quick and painful slap to Fontaine's face. The cigarette flew from his mouth and he clutched his face as he slid down to the floor. His eyes watered as he looked up at the fuming medic. Now just as angry, he got back up and removed his hand from his face, standing face to face with Conrad. They stood in silence until Fontaine took a step towards the medic. Then he quickly reached out and grabbed the other man's neck, pulling them together. He angled his head down and they mashed lips. Conrad placed his hands against Fontaine's chest in an attempt to push him away. Though he was skinner, Fontaine managed to keep his grip the Conrads neck, his finger nails digging into his skin. Fontaine finally pulled away from Conrads mouth but touched they're foreheads together. Conrad could tell his face was a bright red, even cover by the ski mask. His face also felt hot and a bit flustered. Instead of pushing the spy away, though, he let himself be held. Tears began streaming out of the spy's eyes and soaking into his mask.

"I'm sorry, Conrad..." He sniffed. Conrad managed to smile and reached up to wipe away his tears.

"Its fine, mein Freund. You are okay now." He said. Suddenly, a muffled noise came from the door way of the room. Fontaine quickly let go of Conrad and tried to regain his composer. But it was just the pyro, returned with a bucket of water. It let out a confused sound and put down the bucket of water. It walked over to Fontaine, holding out its arms to both sides. Fontaine frowned at the pyro.

"What do you want?" He asked it. The pyro pointed towards itself, then at Fontaine, and then held out its arms again. Conrad laughed playfully.

"I vhink Pyro wants to give you a hug." He laughed. Fontaine frowned even more, but put his arms out too, letting the pyro give him a soul-strangling hug. It cooed a bit and hugged him harder. Conrad laughed, "Relax, Fontaine, at least it can't kiss you."


	4. Chapter 4

It was around one in the morning when RED's spy, Fontaine, was woken by strange noises. He yawned angrily and grabbed his cigarette case from his nightstand. He walked out of his room and followed the sounds to the intelligence room. Fearing an enemy spy, he pulled his knife from the holster on his pajama pants and cloaked. He pressed his back against the wall and quickly made his way to the end of the hall on his left. But as he peaked around the corner, he realized the sounds were coming from someone crying. They sobbed and groaned out of sadness. Fontaine let down his guard and uncloaked.

"Bonjour...?" He said, looking for the source of the crying. He finally walked out into the open of the room and saw RED's medic, Conrad, with his head pressed against his arms on the intelligence room desk. He was crying uncontrollably, letting out more sobs and short breaths. In one hand he gripped a plastic spoon. A tub of what appeared to be ice cream sat on the desk, along side a single piece of paper. Fontaine stood very confused before he said something. "Conrad? What on Ear-"

"Lass mich in Ruhe, Fontaine!" The German cried at him. He looked at the spy with a red, tear-streaked face. His teeth were clenched together and his eyes showed a clear sign of depression. Fontaine walked over to the medic and sat on the desk.

"What's wrong, mon cher ami?" He asked, placing a hand on Conrad's shoulder. The medic glanced at the paper. When Fontaine picked it up, he realized it was a note. On it, in small, rough lettering, was the following:

**Dear doktor,**

**You are very nice man and I like you a lot. But I do not think this will work out. We should not see each other anymore. I hope doktor does not get mad.**

**-Aleksandr**

"Oh... my..." Fontaine said, putting the paper back on the desk. He glanced at Conrad to see him shovel some of the ice cream into his mouth and wipe his mouth while still madly crying. Fontaine frowned and did a little face-plant.

"Mein Heavy has broken up vith me!" He groaned. Fontaine felt his face heat up with anger, but remained calm for Conrad's sake. He reached out a hand and gently stroked the medic's hair.

"It's okay, Conrad. That giant fool doesn't deserve you anyway." He told him. Conrad ignored him and shoved another spoonful into his mouth. It seemed to be working and Conrad began to stop crying. He did, however, push Fontaine's hand away from him. After he wiped his eyes, he stood up and walked around the desk to sit next to his friend. Fontaine took this chance to put an arm around the medic's shoulders.

"It hurts, Fontaine. My heart feels..." Conrad paused for a moment, "I want pyro."

"Pyro?" Fontaine asked, shocked. Why would he want that flame-throwing idiot?

"Pyro alvays makes me feel better..." He said, knitting his fingers together and resting them on his lap. Fontaine would do anything to see his medic happy, so he removed his arm from his shoulders and got up.

"I'll go see if it's awake." He mumbled before walking back to the hallway where all the team mates rooms were. He knocked on the pyro's door and waited for a response. The masked annoyance opened its door. It wore a nightcap on its head and a over sized shirt. After making a few angry noises, Fontaine explained Conrad's situation. After hearing the medic wanted to see it, the pyro make a rushed noise and pushed past the spy, hurrying down the hall. When Fontaine made it to the intelligence room, he was greeted with the sight of the pyro sitting next to Conrad, both its arms around him and its head resting against his shoulder. Conrad had the ice cream bin again and was eating more of the chocolate stress reliever. Fontaine sat next him and put his arm back around the medic's shoulders.

"Thank you both..." He muttered, his mouth full of ice cream. Fontaine smiled and leaned over to place a kiss on Conrad's cheek, making him flinch a little.

"Your welcome, Conrad..." He purred, the pyro humming in agreement.


	5. Chapter 5

"Con-rad." the all-too-familiar accent killed the silence in the RED medical room. Conrad gripped his pencil tighter.

"Vhat? Vhat do you vant, Fontaine?" he growled. He had already been interrupted by the frenchmen a number of times today, each reason stupider then the last.

"Look what I found outside, mon ami!" Fontaine exclaimed, poking the medic's back with a finger. Conrad sighed and swerved around in his chair to see the spy's latest discovery. His eyes widened upon what he saw.

"Eh." he said with disgust. Fontaine frowned at him.

"Shut up, Conrad. Its adorable! Look at 'im!" the spy said, holding out the kitten. It squirmed around in his hands, trying to claw them with its hind paws. Conrad glared at the spy.

"Fontaine, I hate a lot of things. But cats have to be one of the biggest things. Now get that out of my office." he told him. Fontaine hugged the kitten back to his chest, an offended look on his face. The kitten mewed and started using its claws to climb up the spy's suit.

"You don't like anything I like, mon amour. Zometimes I wonder 'ow this relationship works out!" he huffed, turning away from the medic. Conrad stood up and hugged the spy from behind.

"Mein Liebe, please don't act like zhis. I hate it vhen your in a bad mood." he said. Fontaine crossed his arms, not responding. The kitten stopped when it got to his shoulder and stared at the medic's face. Conrad gently grabbed it from the spy's shoulder, holding it carefully, "I zuppose I could try to like cats."

"Try?" Fontaine questioned, turning back towards the medic. Conrad smiled at him.

"No promises." he said. Fontaine, stubborn as ever, still didn't smile. He grabbed the kitten back from Conrad, cradling it in his arms. The medic examined the kitten a bit more.

"Hm, from zhe looks of it, Fontaine, zhis is a female. Vhat vill you name her?" he asked. Fontaine thought for a moment.

"I don't know. I've never 'ad a cat before." he replied. Conrad frowned.

"Vait. You love cats, but you've never had one?" he said. Fontaine nodded. The medic put his arms back around the spy's waist, careful not to crush the kitten between them, "Vell, zhen I can't let you not keep zhis one."

"Hm, thank you, mon amour." Fontaine said, a excited grin running across his face.

"Your velcome, Fontaine."


End file.
